


I'm Fine, with a "d"

by okie_dokie_artichokie



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Non-Consensual Drug Use, Sickfic, but its cough medicine, diego is just trying to be a good brother, in his own unconventional way, so... i mean...?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 01:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okie_dokie_artichokie/pseuds/okie_dokie_artichokie
Summary: After saving the world from his sister's wrath, Five didn't expect to be brought down by something as simple as the flu.But sometimes life's like that. Funny. His siblings want to help him out, but Five just wants to be left alone. Why can't they understand that?





	I'm Fine, with a "d"

**Author's Note:**

> Diverging from cannon a bit. Set in a universe where the Hargreeves siblings didn't lock Vanya in that god awful cell, and instead had the good sense to talk to the poor girl. Allison still communicates with her notebook but is getting better. Five is struggling to letting others in. They all live in the mansion for now and they're just trying to be a family. Rating is Teen and Up because of swearing. I wrote this because I just finished The Umbrella Academy and I've been sick in bed for the last two days. Enjoy!

After forty years of post-apocalyptic survival, countless life-threatening, time-saving missions, and traveling back through time to prevent the apocalypse from happening _again_ , the last thing Five expected was to finally die from the flu.

Maybe death was a little too dramatic. But given his current state of welfare, he’d certainly prefer death. At least if he were dead, he’d finally get some rest and this goddamned headache of his would go away. It felt worse that the first time he’d traveled through time. To paraphrase what he’d told Klaus, it felt “like someone had stuffed his head full of cotton”. He was congested and nauseous, and not even a decent cup of coffee could cure his fever. Still, it was worth a shot.

Five transported himself to the kitchen and immediately regretted the decision to reappear in the middle of the room, versus the doorway. If he’d chosen the doorway, he would’ve been able to see there were people in the kitchen--he did not want to deal with people today--and made the executive decision to turn around and walk away. Instead, he stood in the middle of the kitchen, two steps from the coffee maker, practically scaring poor Klaus out of his leather pants.

“Jesus! Nothing like a heart attack to really _wake you up_ in the morning!”

Five didn’t pay Klaus any attention when he put a hand on his shoulder to steady his fast beating heart. Instead, he shrugged off the offending appendage and shuffled over to the counter.

Allison was sitting at the table with Luther. They each had a finished plate of whatever Mom had cooked that morning sitting in front of them. Klaus made his way over and perched on the edge of the table just as Allison began tapping at her notebook.

**_Does Five look okay to you?_ **

She and Luther exchange glances before Klaus took another look at their brother. Now that Allison mentioned it, he did look a little pale… and green. And gross. When Five looked up from measuring coffee grounds, he had dark circles under his eyes and a nose that only Rudolph would be jealous of.

Allison gave them a look that said **_I told you so_**.

Luther was the first to actually say something.

“Hey Five, how are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Five shot back on instinct. It was a short, testy little response that left very little room for discussion. But Luther couldn’t help but notice how his ‘fine’ sounded more like ‘find”, very congested and hardly discernable.

“Are you sure you’re-?”

“I said I was, didn’t I?” Five didn’t have the time for this. As soon as his coffee was ready, he was teleporting right back upstairs and sequestering himself in his bedroom for however how long it took this flu to leave his system.

Luther looked back at his other siblings with a defeated and sheepish grin.

Allison wasn’t giving up that easily. She stood and pushed in her chair. The wood scraping against the floor got Five’s attention, and he turned to face Allison just as she pressed a hand to his forehead.

Five squeaked out a weak “Hey!” and stepped away from her. She gave him a no-nonsense type of look and he stilled. Without her voice, she was still quite expressive. And everything she meant to say could be conveyed with a single look. In this case, the she was giving him a look that meant **_Stand still, or else_**. And it was quite persuasive.

She reached her hand out again, and this time Five didn’t move. He glared daggers as she checked his temperature though. He didn’t like to be touched. It reminded him too much of everything he’d lost forty-some-odd years ago when he jumped into the apocalypse. And standing here, so close to his sister, the one whose dead body was still _very_ fresh in his mind, was almost too much to take in.

When the silence finally felt like it was going to swallow him whole, Five started to fidget under her hand. Allison, who sensed his discomfort, pulled back and wrote something down.

**_Fever._ **

She showed Five and he immediately denied it. She turned around to show Klaus and Luther and Five ripped the notebook from her hands.

Allison was then visibly upset. She turned on her heel and was two seconds away from putting Five in his place before Diego and Vanya walked in the door.

“Woah, what’s going on in here?” Diego asked.

Allison took that moment to grab her notebook back from Five. She pointed to the words on paper and then back at Five, accusingly.

“Five, you’re sick?” Vanya asked, concerned. She hurried to Five’s side and reached out feel his head for herself.

 _“Not this again,”_ Five thought. And before, Vanya could even touch him, he teleported to the other end of the room.

“I’m _not_ sick. And I don’t need any of _you_ fussing over me like a bunch of mother hens. I’m _fine_.”

“I don’t know, Five. I think when your ‘n’s start sounding like ‘d’s, that’s a pretty good indicator that you’re not ‘find’,” Klaus teased from his spot at the table.

Five glared at Klaus.

“Yeah, I really hate to agree with Klaus, but I think he’s right,” Diego said. Five turned his glare toward Diego and Klaus put his hand over his heart in an _‘I’m touched’_ gesture.

Vanya stepped in before things would turn violent again. “Why don’t you take it easy today? There’s no more apocalypse, after all. I can’t imagine you’ve got a lot planned now.”

With Five’s attention off of Diego, Diego moved to the cabinets and started making some food.

“That’s not happening,” Five argued. Now that everyone knew he was sick, he couldn’t go back to bed. If he did that that meant they’d all be checking on him and keeping watch over his every move. He just wanted to be alone. Why couldn’t his siblings understand that?

“We just want you to feel better.”

“No.”

They were getting nowhere. “But Five-…”

“Fine,” Diego interjected, holding a bowl of oatmeal in one hand and a spoon in the other, “we get it. Will you at least eat some breakfast before you disappear so we don’t have to worry about you eating today?”

Diego set the food down at an empty table setting and watched Five closely. He thought about arguing with Diego, but considered it pointless. He’d spent the last twenty minutes arguing with his siblings, and it had gotten him nowhere. He put on the fakest smile he could muster and stared Diego right in the face.

“ _Fine_. But after that, I go and you all leave me alone for the day, got it?”

Diego put his hands up in a surrender and Five sat down. The rest of them exchanged glances and tried to go back to what they were doing. Despite the attempt to look normal, Five couldn’t help but feel the five pair of eyes on him as he ate his breakfast.

They all mulled about the kitchen in relative silence, like they were afraid they might scare Five off if they made any noise.

Five was only a spoonful away from finishing his bowl when he had to stop. He couldn’t focus his eyes. His vision kept blurring, in and out, unfocused. He was swaying in his seat, his head felt fuzzy and light, and if he didn’t know better, he’d think Diego put something in his food.

That’s when it clicked.

“Oh, I’m gonna kill you for this. I’m gonna take those knives of yours and shove them up your ass,” Five threatened Diego. Of course, it would have been scarier if he wasn’t rubbing his eyes the whole time and yawning between each sentence.

Diego just smiled at his brother. “Yeah, yeah. I know. You’ll never forgive me for putting cold medicine in your oatmeal, I’m the worst. Let’s get you to bed.”

“You’re not fucking touching me, asshole.” Five teleported out of his seat and down the hall. Luther and Vanya looked worried and were about to call for him, when they heard a crash in the study.

They all ran toward the noise. When they got there, Five was lying on the floor, looking dazed. They couldn’t be sure where Five thought he was going, but wherever it was, he apparently didn’t make it there.

“Assholes.”

Luther bent down and picked his brother up off the floor. Even with his superior strength, Five was pretty light. He held one arm under Five’s legs and the other supported his neck and back. It reminded him of a few weeks prior, when Five had gotten drunk at the library and he had to carry him home. At least this time, there was less of a chance he’d get puked on.

Five kept mumbling something about revenge as Luther carried Five to his room. There was a long line of Hargreeve siblings trailing the two. Despite Five’s best efforts to avoid it, they all wanted to help him. They were a family after all. They cared about his well being.

"I just want to be clear, I don't condone drugging our brother." Allison nodded in agreement with Vanya.

"Yeah, not my finest hour," Diego admitted.

Shifting the weight in his arms, Luther pulled the covers back on Five’s bed and gently laid him down. Allison adjusted his pillows and tucked the covers around him until she deemed him comfortable enough. He was quiet now, and they were all sure he’d fallen asleep. They were just about to leave the room when they heard him whisper quietly.

“Dolores?”

They all looked at each other for the umpteenth time today, not sure what to do. Where was Dolores? They started searching the room for the mannequin. Where was she?

When they couldn’t find her, they started to panic. If they couldn’t find Dolores, then Five wouldn’t go to sleep. He was already starting to get up.

“Where did he leave her?”

“How should I know?”

“I think I saw here in the foyer.”

“Why would she be in there?”

“I don’t know!”

They were all arguing as quietly as they could, but they’d be hard-pressed to call any of it “whispering”.

Klaus was standing on the side-lines, looking frantic when Ben pointed something out.

“Uh, guys, he’s getting up. You need to do something.” Of course, Klaus was the only one who could hear Ben’s logic. But, being Klaus, he reacted illogically.

“I’ve got this,” he stated, sliding into bed with Five,

 

"It’s me... Dolores.”

 

Everyone stopped arguing and looked at Klaus like he was crazy. In their defense, he was.

 

“It’s me, your one-armed wife,” Klaus continued with a high falsetto, convincing absolutely no one except Five, in his half asleep, drug-induced haze, that he was Dolores.

They were all skeptical that it would work, even Klaus, but after a few second, Five wrapped his arms around Klaus and buried his head in his shoulder. They could all breathe easy now.

Diego lowered his voice and addressed the room. “Alright, let’s let him sleep,” he said, ushering his siblings to the door.

“Wait, what about me?” Klaus hissed. Five stirred in his sleep and Klaus went very still.

“Looks like you’re stuck here until he wakes up. Good idea with the whole Dolores thing though.”

Klaus watched as his siblings filed out of the room, one by one, leaving him alone with Five. Five, who was currently drooling on his sheer fabric shirt, and twitching his eyebrows as he dreamed about god knows what. Was Five going to stab him in his sleep?

He sighed and looked at Ben for support. Ben shook his head.

“Don’t look at me… Dolores.”


End file.
